Assalamualaikum guys and how are you doing lately? Well im greatly fine here and i currently struggle for my final this coming two weeks. So in three weeks from now, i'll be graduated from matriculation program. Lol can i call that graduated because we, matriculation students will not received any certification. Haha yes, that's the advantage of being a matriculation student. But no, im no having any regrets because im doing greatly fine here :) <--- my introduction few weeks back.
Lol im now currently enjoyed my cuti and happily to say that i've graduated successfully. Well you can see there that actually ive wrote this post long long long ago but i havent finished type it out. Lame me right? Im sorry because i kinda leave my blog terkontang-kanting hihi
Well, thats not my main point of my post today. Heartbreak. Thats what im gonna talk about. It seems that im having a heartbreak right now. Ecehhhh sounds cheesy you know. Well i dont know how to write the beginning of my story because everything happened without me realized it. Maybe all of you dont expect me to have feeling towards guy because i strongly agreed bout the 'bercinta-lepas-kawin-relationship'. Yeah i do agreed but im a normal girls who tend to have feeling toward a guy.
Well, its started at the end of my semester 1. He is not a good-looking person. He is nerd i can say but he got many fans here. But surprisingly he is one of the members of JAPIM (Jawatankuasa Agama something, i dont remember the exact name). He is a shy person, orang masjid, wear blue spectacle, small eyes, wear songkok. Boleh cakap dia ni bukan calang-calang orang la. Hahaha looks like im a high maintenance person nayy. Just joking. I dont know exactly when i started to have a feeling towards him. Tau tau je bila nampak dia, terserempak dgn dia, my heart beat rise and seriously i hardly breath. From far, ill know its him from the way he walk. Im giving too much attention to him. Sampai satu tahap, aku rasa berdosa sebab tidak menjaga pandangan aku sebagai seorang muslimah. Maybe some of you will say that im having a crush on him but, act i dont. I have a seriously feeling towards him. Allah hadirkan perasaan ni dalam hati aku tanpa aku sedar. At first, i keep denied my feeling and thought it is a normal feeling. But if that feeling is a normal feeling, then it should be gone right now. But it doenst.
Then, i started my semester 2 with hope that i can see him everyday. The feeling of wanting to see him smile brightly from far is getting stronger day by day. Im not like those brave girls who bravely go friend with him or say hi to him. Im shy. Aku ada perasaan malu yang tebal and perasaan malu ni la yang melindungi aku dari perkara yang boleh memalukan diri aku. But somehow, i don't know where i get those guts to send regards to him through my roommate. Then i give him a present- a book which i wrote what i want to tell/talk to him. When my roommate gave him, with malu-malu he received my present. One thing i like about him is, sifat pemalu dia. I found its cute when a guy is shy. Its rare to find a guy with sifat pemalu nowadays. Hahaha. And then it comes to the last day at the college. I remembered that day i want to give him something but unfortunately i didnt give him because i left it in my room because of the rush. Silly me yeah. So, i just watched him from far and just wish a goodbye in my heart. Waved a goodbye-wave to him when he didn't see. Tipu la time ni tak sedih kan.
And then last month, we meet again at the college- because we were both facilitators of MPPB (Minggu Pengurusan Pelajar Baru). I cannot lie that im not happy to see him again. Only Allah knows how happy i am, how nervous i am on that day. Ya Allah, my heart beat faster because i haven't see him almost a month. I don't know whether he recognized me or not but, i can actually tell that he does recognized me. I don't have any proof but, my instinct told me that he does. Over the MPPB week, over almost 3000 students, i still can recognize him from far. Even though i've very bad rabun, even though the dataran were crowded with junior, i can still caught his image with my eyes. Even though when we were doing postmortem, i still cant get enough watching him.
And that night was the saddest part. Where i watched him leaves without knowing if i ever can see him again. I was almost let my guard down and cried when i see his backside gone through the door. I can only say goodbye without him heard it. Even now aku still sebak bila ingat malam tu.
"Saya suka kucing sangat. Saya suka colour biru and pink".
Dan sekarang perasaan rindu itu semakin tebal.
"To spec biru,
Saya mungkin tak tahu semua tentang awak,
tentang hidup awak apalagi kisah lalu awak,
tentang hobi awak di masa lapang apalagi tempat kegemaran awak.
Saya mungkin belum kenal sepenuhnya tentang diri awak apalagi seluruh keluarga yang awak sayangi.
TAPI yang pasti saya suka ketabahan awak dan senyuman awak.
dan saya tahu awak sangat menghormati wanita melalui cara awak.
Dan saya mungkin jauh dari awak..
Tapi awak tak pernah jauh dalam doa saya.
Awak mungkin belum kenal siapa saya sebenarnya,
Tapi saya bersyukur saya kenal Allah terlebih dahulu sebelum mengenali awak.
Walau di mana takdir membawa jejak cinta ini,
Samaada awak adalah pilihan Allah untuk saya atau sebaliknya,
Saya bahagia kerana mencintai awak seadanya bersama doa.
Redha Allah lebih indah dari segalanya."
NLF.